Relaxing Control

My sister, Judy, offered to take Adam overnight this weekend. No sane mother would say no to that. Adam would get to see his cousins and family. I would get to go to a wedding without juggling an infant. Ismael would get to sleep in a quiet house before he went to work. Win. Win. Win.

Part of me held back for a moment. Adam goes to bed so early that it is difficult for me squeeze time with him in along with making dinner and chores. I love the feeling I have when I come home on Friday nights knowing I have all my time with him until Monday morning. Giving him up from Saturday morning until Sunday morning was a little difficult.

He hasn't been at Judy's for a while though. She's busy raising her two kids and they have a pretty full social calendar. The last time she kept him overnight was Christmas Eve when I had my gallbladder removed. Sending him away then was a medical necessity. I felt right as rain when I recovered from the anesthesia, but the car ride home did me in. I felt like I had ridden fifteen roller coasters one after the other. Ismael bought a plain roast beef sandwich and I remember laying the left side of my face on the dining room table staring at the food. When I felt well enough, I'd lift my head, take a bite, and lay my face back on the table and chew.

Then, I met my friend, Percocet. Miraculous stuff. I took it sparingly after that first day of surgery - only to get through those first few nights - and understood how people get addicted to it. I have the remaining pills under glass that says "Break only in case of extreme emergency - like a severed limb."

Going to a wedding alone isn't as extreme as a medical emergency, by any means, but I also don't want to be one of those moms who thinks their child cannot survive without her. I had my first baby late in life at the age of 37. I have witnessed enough parenting to know what kind of mother I want to be. It feels good to have my child cling to me and need me, but I do not want to raise a clingy, needy child.

I am also very aware that when someone else is taking care of your child: grandma, auntie, daddy, whoever, they will not necessarily do things exactly the way you think they should be done. That is hard for a control freak like me. I like to know things are done my way and it drives me just nuts when Ismael doesn't feed the baby what/when I think he should while I'm gone. I know that in the end, the baby eats and sleeps when he needs to no matter who feeds him or puts him down for naps. Even my normally placid baby has a way of making his needs known.

So letting him go with Judy yesterday was more about me giving up control to someone new. Adam goes to a sitter and that works just fine. He can stay home with daddy and that is just fine too. Adam had a good night, slept well, visited with his extended family, and was happy to see me when I came to pick him up this morning.

The wedding was beautiful. The weather which had been dull and rainy for days cleared up and Saturday was clear and bright. The bridesmaid's sequined dresses glittered like Las Vegas showgirls in the sun (an unexpected side effect of the sunny day). The reception was so much fun and our college girlfriends stayed dancing and talking until the last dog died. I think the bride and groom were ready to go before we were.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself and came home to find that when Ismael got up, he had cleaned the house, folded the laundry and left dinner for me on the stove before he went to work. All that was left for me to do was eat dinner and enjoy a full night of sleep. Which I did! :)

Giving up control can sometimes have many unexpected benefits.